By Cristian Newman
By Cristian Newman

God, let me suffer, and let me doubt

I remember asking, as a child, that God would bless me…

That he would let me suffer, let me doubt.

That he would give me problems.

For weeks and weeks, I prayed God would give me problems.

You see, I saw that every adult I knew had problems.

They ALL suffered.

From one thing or another.

Money problems, relationship problems, work or school problems, health problems…

Everyone I knew had a list of problems that went on and on, and never seemed to end.

And as soon as they solved a problem, ten more manifested into their lives.


Surely (I thought as a child), it meant that happiness  inextinguishable joy  was a gift that only children could enjoy.

And that the start of suffering was a rite of passage into adulthood.

Life, then, couldn’t be anything else than suffering, to be sometimes interrupted by brief sparks of joy.


I was a happy child.

But, you see, I’ve always desperately wanted to fit in.

To belong.

That was my deepest desire.

That others would recognise me as one of their own.

No matter the cost.

If struggling would make me normal, then so be it.

And so I asked God to let me struggle for a while.

(He did!)


Reflecting on my childhood, I now see that it was my soul’s way of saying: how can I relate to others, if I don’t suffer with them?

If I don’t understand why they suffer?

My heart was saying: I need to experience suffering, too!

So that I can learn compassion, and unconditional love.

So that I can learn to be the best Reiki practitioner I can be.


I often explain the system of Reiki helps us to remember the light that shines big and bright within each of us.

It’s as if our inner light bulb is covered by many, many lampshades: layers and layers of worry, anger, fear, regret, shame.

You know, Reiki helps us, in a weird and unexpected kind of way, to remove the lampshades, one by one.

It’s something that I’ve experienced, and that my clients experience.

We learn to be brave.

So that our inner light can shine once more, for the whole world to see.

Because the world needs to see your light!


Dear one, what are you ready to heal? What is your own light calling you to do?




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